The Monday Muse. The downfall of the human race.

Oxford. The city that saw me trawling museums as a child and drinking holes as a teenager. It is also home to a reprobate character or two…

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Five things I learned this weekend.

  1. A man (that you do not know) will find no qualms in stealing a sheepskin rug from under your bottom on the rooftop of a bar because he is cold and there are no blankets left.
  2. A man will also find no qualms in standing with his bum pressed up against your shoulder even though there is a shedload of floor space around him and you have spent the last 30 minutes shifting your chair across his toes.
  3. The Ashmolean Museum is filled with staff members on ‘backpack watch’ (probably because they’ve seen a knuckle-headed tourist wipe out an irreplaceable Ming vase with the oversized load on their back). The dunderheads always ruin it for the rest of us.
  4. Massage therapists will touch your feet even when you ask them not to (and then look shocked when they narrowly miss a roundhouse to the face when they do lay their paws on yours).
  5. Waitresses no longer find it necessary to apologise when you inform them that there is a hair in your cucumber sandwich, and they will only replace it once you’ve fully tucked into your scone and hence no longer have the palate for savoury. Of course at this point you have also forced yourself to power through the high tea, forgetting all thoughts of said hair and her return only reminds you of the discovery and makes you want to throw the jammy creamed cake at her phlegmatic face.

Otherwise the city of spires is quite a delightful place to spend your hours.         giphy-2

Thank you to the Daily Post for inspiring my photo-taking for the second time this week.

0 Comment

  1. A creepy way to get hit on for sure.

    1. Ha, I’m not sure I was even being hit on, I think he was just an arsehole. Meh.

      1. Well good to know you have a roundhouse if he did get too personal. Uppercut is my boxing fave. Sounds like a lousy waiter for sure. Would be cheeky to link it here, but if you want a set of jokes about dreadful waitering I did a post on it before and happy to forward it on to you.

        1. I am very happy to try the uppercut if the situation calls for it. Link it, I don’t mind a bit of cheekiness. 😉

          1. Glad to know you’re not a one punch wonder 😉 Let me know if you have a favourite btw https://alexraphael.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/gr8at-restaurant-jokes/

  2. Andy says: Reply

    You poor thing. But I feel you may be placing undue stress upon the negatives, that are surely outweighed by the positives of your experiences. Just reading between the lines. ?

    1. Says Mr Positivity.

  3. Andrey Lychik says: Reply

    “Downfall of the human race ” a fitting title. Regardless, it’s still a place is like to visit, mainly because of its history.

    1. I probably haven’t done my lovely home town any favours, it is indeed a lovely city to visit, and you definitely should, I just see it with jaded eyes. But the museums are phenomenal and the buildings are stunning, there is plenty to take your mind off the strange locals!

  4. I feel sorry for you. Cheer up.

    1. Don’t worry, there is a far cheerier side that I don’t always share as it’s not so interesting to read. I had a rather delightful afternoon looking at the art on the museum’s top floor, I’ve always loved that place 😀

      1. Never worried about you! But nice to hear you had some fun too!

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